Sunday, July 13, 2008

BBQ Ketchup & Kulcha

I guess I took it for granted the fact that bbqs were the same all over the world.
when you say bbq, I imagine burger patties, huge snausages, steak, wings, corn on the cob, sauce, music, fans, booze, so on and so forth, la dee da dee da. Anyways that is why I marinated the wings and the drumsticks over night, I made sauce, and brought pie. They were fantastic.

Unfortunately to my dismay, there were a bunch of douche-bags. Somehow I'm on this really lame streak of meeting d-bags this past month and I'm totally hating people, and so over meeting new ones. Anyways, the first d-bag was just rude. M asked him if the drumsticks on his side of the grill were ready. He answers, "No, not yet..." (These btw, fyi, were the drumsticks I marinated with my own rosemary from my own friggin' garden). D-bag #1 then swoops his tongs in and sweeps away the drumsticks onto his paper plate and totally serves em' all to his bunch of d-bag friends!!! How f-ing rude is that? I should have squirted my spicy apricot bbq sauce into his slanted eyeballs.

Then comes schmuck #2. Some of my wings were served on the main table and I try to explain to d-bag 2 that they don't have to pour mad J-sauce all over them wings because they are already marinated. He says, "Maybe." And I'm like, "What? I'm telling you, they're marinated." D-bag's like, "I don't know. I don't think so." And I give him my I-look-down-on-you-so-bad-and-want-to-twist-your-balls-up-your-asshole laugh and exclaim with my best smile of irony, "I'm not asking you anything. I'm telling you I MARINATED THEM OVERNIGHT. SO DON'T BE POURING YOUR CHEAP-O SUGAR SAUCE ALL O'ER MY WINGS!!!"

Anyway I was so bummed that it turned out to be a yakiniku party instead of what I thought would've been a bbq. I guess they don't do marination here, and they just grill a bunch of stuff like pork and leek and then pour a bottle of sweet-ass sauce all over 'em.

So I know that some men take their grilling seriously. They be grilling, then they be talking business. Serious business. But hearing the conversations that took place over the grill and grilling yesterday made me wanna get grills in my mouth. Gold ones.

  • D1: Let's put the squid!
  • D2: Yeah! Squid sounds good! Doesn't it?
  • D1: Yeah!
  • D2: Oh it looks great. It was a good idea!
  • D1: Yeah it was a good idea, wasn't it?
  • D2: Yeah! Here comes the squid!
  • D1: Here it comes! The squid!
  • D2: Oh it looks good!
  • D1: It does look good!
  • D2: The squid looks good!
  • D1: Yeah! Here it comes!

D1 and D2 consequently drown the grilles squid in sauce.

R.I.P. creatures.